Does anyone know of anybody who's gone from gay to straight?

switchBrit

A friend of mine told me she's started to date this lad who was openly gay when he was a teenager. She doesn't seem to know about this but I know him cause he went my secondary school although he wasn't in my year, and I swear he recognised me too. What a small world Confused

I don't think I'm going to tell her about this but I was really shocked. Maybe he's bi or it's just a phase he's gone through, but just in case (I'm curious Rolling Eyes

), does anyone know of anybody who's gone from gay to straight? That is if they even exist?! Ta Smile

Pearlie · Posted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 8:28 pm Post subject:

I have seen a few people go from gay to straight over the decades. In some cases, you could argue whether they had really been gay (e.g. Anne Heche) or had simply fallen into a gay lifestyle without a strong conviction. And you could argue about whether their new straight lifestyle was really satisfying to them or maybe they just decided that it wasn't worth the hassle of being a sexual minority.

Goodness knows, a lot of women who are or were gay have married men in order to obtain the material benefits of security and family acceptance. They may not enjoy the sex much, but I could say the same for a lot of straight married women.

Now this fellow, who may have been categorized as gay as teenager, may simply have been very effeminate. Teenage boys tend to brand as "gay" anything they find fault with, including straight boys who might be non-jocks or non-thugs. He may have been called gay but we don't know if he really enjoyed (or even experienced) anal sex and the other stuff that gay sex involves. He may really have been hetero all this time.

I do not encourage anyone to take on the burden and stigma of being a sexual minority unless that person is absolutely sure of it.

reader2 · Bette's White Pajamas Joined: 09 Jun 2005 Posts: 1416

I have a different perspective on this. If she is your friend, I think you should tell her about what you know and let him explain himself to her. When it comes to sexual minorities, we can't always rely of people being truthful. Societal pressures still exist.

I have a good friend who married a gay man not knowing a thing about it. She was virgin and thought that he was also into the romantic idea of a virginal wedding. She paid a heavy price for her innocence. Not only she found out later that her husband was gay, but that he was all along having an affair with her best male friend who was openly gay. She was betrayed twice. Emotionally, she was devastated; physically, she feared that he had exposed her to AIDS. She divorced him and years later, she got her marriage annulled by the Catholic Church. However, trust in men did not come easy for her. Her ex came out and later committed suicide, causing her an even greater pain.

This is why I believe that your friend should know. I think that if a woman dates or marries a "converted" gay man or a bi man, it should be her choice and not out of ignorance. He should tell her the truth anyway, so I wouldn't feel any guilt about telling her what I knew.

switchBrit · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:16 am Post subject:

I actually thought nobody should be outed at first, but it seems like it's not alway right. I think I should give him some time first then tell her myself - only if they were to get more serious and he's not planning to tell the truth.

Thanks for the opinions!

Pearlie · Posted: Tue Nov 03, 2009 10:50 am Post subject:

My apologies, I was focused on the title of the thread and not on the particular situation in the agony column.

It might be worth talking to the old classmate (the guy) first.
Nobody's affections should be trifled with, and nobody's health should be endangered. This girl should be at least informed (rather than use the word "warned") about this guy's background and reputation.